Here’s how it goes:  Love is unconditional, unearned, undeserved. It comes from the heart of the parent.  The child does nothing to receive love from their parents.  I’ve said to my children, “if you ever rob a bank or kill someone, I’ll be the first one visiting you in prison.  I’ll come often and continue to love you no matter what.”  But Trust is like a bank account.  It is worked for, earned and deserved. You can make deposits and withdrawals.  If you make to many withdrawals or too large of a withdrawal you will overdraw your account and then you’ll only be able to make deposits.

The tricky part is determining the amount that’s in the account.  In a regular bank account there’s no ambiguity because the balance is clearly shown.  In a trust account it’s not as clear cut, so the parent has to give some thought to this.  Kris and I have created several categories to help us.  When it comes to withdrawals we have the willful acts of disobedience category. Next is the Whoops category for those things that are unintentional breaches of the rules.  Then there’s the Attitude category. Sometimes kids will do what’s right and sometimes what’s wrong, but attitude is a big part of both.  Doing right with a poor attitude or slipping up and then responding with the right attitude of repentance and remorse matters.

When it comes to deposits we have a few categories as well.  There’s the Reactive Obedience category where our child will do what their told without grumbling or complaining, but they won’t do it unless they’re told.  Then there’s the Proactive Obedience category where they do what they know they need to without being told.  The latter will result in a larger deposit in the Trust account.

We also give our children specific ideas on how to make deposits and what types of actions will result in withdrawals.  It may be common sense, but we want to be sure they fully understand.

When they make deposits they find that their freedoms and options open up and they are given more responsibilities.  And, when they make withdrawals the opposite occurs.  Their freedoms are reduced, options are fewer and greater responsibilities may become more limited.  They have to earn them back by making more deposits.

Let me know what you think of this!